Sometimes I wonder why I'm here. I thought I was here to serve the Lord in some way, but I don't feel like I'm doing that very well. In many ways I feel like I'm growing spiritually through the Church I'm attending, but I can't embrace all their ultra conservative practices. For this I feel a bit of a failure. Also, my job confuses me. It's a Christian School, but most kids there are from well to do families; and in my mind, not needy in any way. So, what am I contributing? The kids can drive me crazy at times, but at other times melt my heart. I love to teach them things--when they want to learn. Alot of them don't want to learn though. They can't sit still or concentrate on anything. They're mean to each other and me sometimes. I get frustrated with them. I don't like to have to discipline them either. I've never liked that part. And I hate to sing!!! But when I know they're getting something out of it all, it's the most wonderful feeling.
I want to know I'm doing something right, but I may never feel that I am. I'll just keep thinking about it. Maybe someday the light bulb will go off.
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